You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
