so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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