the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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