Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
