I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
