why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
