We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
