Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
