M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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