My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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