I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just pynch a tree in the face
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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