Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
