me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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