I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
