Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
