Need sex. Gaining weight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
