I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
