I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize