I'm going to jail i love you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
