first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
