they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize