my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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