I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
