i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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