i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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