Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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