Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
