I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
