I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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