i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
