dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There are leaves in my underwear?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
