There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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