last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
