Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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