mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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