That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
