Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize