Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
