They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
