and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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