Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
