I seem to have left my pride at pride
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ttyl tear gas
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize