Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
