I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
