I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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