he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
