mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
