I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
