I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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