Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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