Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
