Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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