Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
