I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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