I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
