you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
