Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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