There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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