The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
