ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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