dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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