How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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