I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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