lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
