I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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