I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
