i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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