Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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