i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
