just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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