have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
