i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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